My recent post about changing the settings on an exercise machine has been sticking with me more than I expected. I’ve been noticing in myself moments where I’m coming up against internal scripts that I’ve either successfully or unsuccessfully rewritten or adjusted.
The first time I walked in the Pride Parade, I was definitely aware that I was pushing against the edges of my internal settings. I could hear the voices of criticism and judgment–some of them my own–as I saw the sea of self-expression around me.
But then someone offered me a flag to wear that said, “You are Loved.” And I realized that it was time to change the settings on this machine. I no longer fit the limitations of judgment and condemnation that had informed and formed me for a long time. It was time to change the settings to create space for a broader, more inclusive and expansive understanding of human expression and identity.
This year I walked in the Pride Parade again, and I noticed a different response in myself. Instead of coming up against my own limitations, I found myself caught up in the breadth and depth of the crowds around me. I saw those who were so energized by being able to share their identities without shame. I heard the cries of love and affirmation being thrown between strangers and casting a net of support and validation. I felt the ongoing struggle for inclusion and safety for all of humanity.
If I’m honest, I have to check myself and re-set these settings at times. Sometimes I realize that I’ve gone back to what has been comfortable in the past, and am no longer pushing myself into new territory. But I’m grateful for those who come alongside of me–like my personal trainer and like my friends and neighbours who see the world differently than I do–and encourage me to change the settings, go for the thing that feels more challenging, and lean into the growth opportunities that come with that.